6 tips to Help You Achieve or Improve Your Self-Love and Confidence for the Summer!
I saw a meme once before which made me laugh and reflect at the same time. The meme portrays a beautiful, plus sized woman on a beach in a bikini that most would probably think was too small for her. She was striking a pose in the most seductive demeanor with pursed lips and the caption read, “This beach is going to get whatever body I give it.” While I thought the meme was very cute and catchy, the subliminal message was loud and clear, express yourself and be in love with who you are inside and out even if society disagrees.
Self-love seems to be an easy concept to grasp, but in actuality it is one of the most difficult fundamental human needs to attain. If you ask the average woman to create a list comparing what they like and dislike about themselves, most will probably have a longer list of characteristics or traits they wish they could change.
As we advance through summer, many people will be on a mission to get “beach ready.” This is the time when dieting, exercise, and cosmetic procedures becomes popular.
In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with changing your diet, exercising, or even having a procedure to enhance your beauty. However, we must make the same, if not greater, effort to become and feel beautiful within.
Having said that, it is also important to note that self-love is not just about appreciating our physical appearance, it is also about accepting the way we think, unapologetically standing out from the crowd, having confidence in our God-given abilities, and demonstrating compassion towards our own perceived weaknesses and shortcomings.
When we grasp the concept of loving ourselves unconditionally, we open a door to optimum physical, psychological, and spiritual health! So, how do we develop and maintain our self-esteem in a society where beauty and character are held to an ever-changing standard?
Check out the following 6 tips on how to achieve or improve your self-love and confidence for the summer!
1. Take a break from social media
We live in a social media culture and in a world of visual images of beautiful and thriving people around us. This is great and all, but if we are not careful, it can set us up for the “comparison game” and comparing ourselves to the beauty or success of others can lead to feelings of inadequacy. In addition, seeking “likes” or “shares” for a post may also be a pathway to feelings of self-doubt, especially if you did not obtain the number of “likes” or comments to your post you were hoping for. And truth be told, before comparing yourself, the validity (or lack thereof) of what we see on social media and how people respond to our post should be taken into consideration. Most people only post the positive things they want people to see and the algorithms of social media platforms may cause your post not to be visible to every single person on your “friends” list.
So, take a break! Deactivate or freeze your account! To occupy your new free time, you may want to pick up a self-help book, write a journal entry about how great you are, reconnect with people who love and celebrate you, spend time perfecting an old skill, learn a new skill, exercise, or listen to a motivational speaker! Regardless of what you decide to do, make sure that it will only pour positivity into your mind, body, and spirit.
2. Learn to focus on your perfections
Sometimes we can be so critical and conscious of our bodies that wearing certain clothes and even being naked in front of our partners can be challenging. One way to conquer low body self-image is to stop criticizing your imperfections and place more focus on your perfections.
For instance, I was that person who didn't want to see herself naked in the mirror, but after a beautiful epiphany all of that changed for me. One day, as I was dressing, I saw myself in the mirror from an angle which accentuated my curves. I took a double take and began to pose in different angles. While I was standing in these different poses, I made a conscientious effort to make peace with what I did not like while celebrating all my favorite features on my body. As I did this, I realized that there were more characteristics of my body that I loved than the ones I disliked. This concept can be applied to every aspect of our lives where we are likely to feel insignificant. Place more emphasis on your positive attributes, but be sure to acknowledge your insecurities and make the decision to accept and or build upon the qualities that are your least favorite.
3. Learn to accept your imperfections
You are human, and that is your superpower! However, being human does not come with perfection, everyone has insecurities and that makes us who we are. Loving yourself truly comes with facing, but not dwelling on what you may dislike most about yourself. Maybe it is a body-part or multiple body-parts, or the way you treated someone, a characteristic, or guilt or shame about a situation. The thing is, until you can really shine a light on your insecurities, you will never be truly accepting of yourself.
4. Affirm yourself
Self-Affirmation is the act of validating your own value through positive reminders or statements that can be used to inspire and motivate you. The idea of affirming yourself is not only to recite the positive declarations, but also to internalize them and apply them to every aspect of your life. In order to internalize and embody your affirmations , you have to identify your positive attributes, construct declarations that truly constitute who you are and what you care about and discover affirmations that really resonate with you.
You can make up your own positive statements or find them in self-help books, the Bible, television shows, or use your favorite quote! Some examples of affirmations include:
I am beautiful
The world is a better place because I exist
I am great at my job
I am smart
I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
It is great to be able to affirm others! Afterall, most of us find it easier to affirm others than it is ourselves, but it is so important to be able to speak positivity into your own life.
In the television show “Being Mary Jane”, Gabrielle Union’s character was notorious for writing affirmations on sticky notes and placing them in places where only she could see them. This was intriguing to me, but she was definitely on to something!
Sometimes, your affirmations are for your eyes only and when you choose an affirmation, you need to internalize and memorize it or put it in a place that you will see it often. Common places would be in your journal (if you write entries often), your Bible (if you read it often), your mirror, your headboard, your wallet, your refrigerator, or your laptop.
5. Be Your Own Cheerleader
I am here to tell you that, seeking the stamp of approval from others will often lead you down a path of insecurity. The problem with waiting for others to affirm you or give you the “green light” is simply…….they won’t, and depending on how much their approval means to you, not receiving it can be debilitating to your self-confidence and may even cause you to lose focus on who you really are and what you desire to be. Your goal in life should be to live unapologetically and you cannot accomplish this if you are living up to the standards of other people.
I love the music artist, Lizzo because of her confidence! She dresses the way she wants; she performs the way she wants, and she has a carefree attitude. She has been in the media numerous times for her appearance. It’s probably safe to say that most people may not approve of her style and if she had to rely on the approval of others, she probably wouldn’t be who she is today. So, it’s important to be okay with being yourself and reward yourself when you do something well.
It is also imperative that we learn to encourage ourselves when we are met with challenges and uncertainties. Never wait for anyone else to do it.
6. Hold yourself In a high regard
When we love ourselves, we have a high regard for our own well-being and happiness. Women who love themselves aim to cater to their own needs and they do not sacrifice their well-being to please others or accept less than the best. Women who put themselves at a high regard regularly do for themselves. So, do something nice for yourself! It may be finally following up with your annual wellness examinations, going to the spa, or buying that designer purse you always wanted. Whatever it is, be sure that it makes you feel special and appreciated.
I pray that this post was helpful in helping you to discover ways to practice self-love! In season two of The Eavesdrop, I had a candid conversation with confidence coach and founder of The Woman and Her Curves, Jennifer Wade, BSN RN. Be sure to listen for more tips and motivation!
